he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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