He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
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I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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