I've blown a few things in my day
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can you bring me the toilet please
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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