Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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