Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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