Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize