Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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