I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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