do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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