I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize