there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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