9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize