My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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