oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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