I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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