Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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