it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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