Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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