Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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