We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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