What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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