Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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