I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize