I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize