Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize