I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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