I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize