1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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