I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize