Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize