She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize