Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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