I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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