halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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