I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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