So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize