You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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