i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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