If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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