he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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