Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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