Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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