And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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