And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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