I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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