god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize