but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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