$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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