How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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