Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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