And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
True strength comes from lack of pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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